Hello? Anybody out there?

Or perhaps the more likely question: Am I still alive?

Truth be told, I'm not sure. Sparing you all the reasons - or lack there of - why I haven't been blogging, let's play a little game of catch up:

• My month-long break is over. Sigh. It's a vague memory of better days, basically.
  
• Soo, dun dun dun, I'm back to school. No. Actually, I've been violently thrown back into school. Because this time round, we started our clinical rotation before having even one class where they - you know ... teach us things. Things that we would need to know to survive clinical. Within the first 10 minutes of my first day on the floor, the nurse I was working under was spewing all sorts of orders at me: Empty NG tube. Change JP dressings Q4h. Track I&Os. Empty foley. Check PICC line. How many of these things did I understand? Zip. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Hadn't even learned how to make the bed with hospital corners yet. Needless to say, I was a tad bit overwhelmed. (Understatement of the year.)
  
• I survived my first week of clinicals. Much more importantly, so did my patient. That's the goal.
  
• Just under 2 weeks into the semester, I've been doused with more medical terminology and knowledge than you could imagine. Yet, all I wanted to know was one thing: What do I do if I'm with my patient in his/her room and he/she chokes and I can't get my arms around them to do the Heimlich b/c of all the tubes attached to them? Yes. My mind works in very weird ways sometimes. And, for some reason, I am beyond words terrified of someone choking in my presence. Freaks. Me. Right. Out. You can rest assured, though. I found the answer. Push a fancy shmancy button. Or yell. Loudly.
  
• Changing the diaper of an 80-something year old man is much, much different than doing the same for an infant. But I found out that my brilliant sister is indeed right on ... In that kind of situation, the notion of preserving someone's dignity forces out any sense of Ewwww that may have normally been there. And you just do it.
  
• Lesson learned: Don't wear a dress on the day you are learning how to transfer patients. Because, even if you don't volunteer to do a demonstration, you may be volunteered against your will. Bottom line: Demonstrating transferring a patient in a dress is not excellent. So that's why nurses wear scrubs. Aha!
  
• I agree with Kristi that Ellen's dance number on her premiere show rocked. SYTYCD + Ellen = Me watching + Me loving. I also agree with Kristi in her agree-ance with this.
  
• I'm a nerd. (not a shocker) I love trying to parallel park. (shocker, but not too surprising if you agree with my nerd status) This morning, I did a bang-up parallel parking job. Small space. One try. Perfectly straight. As I was driving home, I noticed a white note flapping underneath my windshield wipers. Did someone hit me? Is my life being threatened? Am I being secretly admired by the man of my dreams? No to all of the above. The note read: "Nice parking!!!" Highlight of my day. Now, in my excitement, I shared this news with several friends. Most thought the note must have been sarcastic. But I'm telling you, that's not possible. So, I've developed a story of my own about super cool people who were watching me park from their window and couldn't resist complimenting my parking abilities. Believe it. Yes, I did just admit that the highlight of my day concerned parallel parking. Laammmee.

And with that, let's call it a day.